Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
