I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
