Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
