My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
