oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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