i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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