Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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