p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
