did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
