That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
