have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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