do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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