At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
