Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
