The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
