Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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