awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
