Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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