Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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