Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
