420 ftw
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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