someone get that fucking seahorse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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