So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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