We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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