true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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