I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
