I'm going to jail i love you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
