Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
