Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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