why didn't you poke me back
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
