Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
