and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
