My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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