Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
