so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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