The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
