batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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