so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
