Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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