2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
