Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
either way he was missing a nipple.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
