My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
