Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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