Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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