butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
