Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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