Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
