He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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