It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I only lived at night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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