Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
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even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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