you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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