Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
