But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
