if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
