my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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