she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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