go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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