I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
