You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
