we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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