I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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