a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
