PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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