Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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