My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
