I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
