do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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