i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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