GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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