i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
