So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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