Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
