So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
