RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
