Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
