someone get that fucking seahorse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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