oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
