I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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