sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
someone owes me an orgasm
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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