no, he came in my armpit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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