Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize