So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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