Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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