he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
