if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
