i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
