He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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