i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
